DB’s Say

My first week back at school. For those of you who missed it, DB and I have decided to play role-swap. He’s going to be a stay-at-home dad, I’m going back to school to finish my teaching certification and getting a job.

I’m pretty excited to tell people I have a househusband.

Anyway, this has (clearly) been extremely stressful to me. Not because I’m not stoked, but because five years of chasing small people and using many monosyllabic words has shaken my faith in my ability to talk to actual adults. Also, five years of pandering to my introversion by not leaving the house if I don’t feel like it has had an interesting affect on my ability to leave the house when I actually have to.

Hm. Probably makes you wonder why I chose teaching, don’t it?😉

Anyway, in light of all this, DB has been a darling soul and my pillar of strength and courage. I would take him to class like a blankie if he weren’t so darned busy chasing small people. In lieu of that, he wrote me a list, a list I share with you today, completely unedited (but probably editorialized on). Because my husband is the bomb.

 

TOP 10 REASONS CAROLYNN WILL SUCCEED

10. Because I love you and married you – scientifically proven.

9. You know about The Doctor. (Does this mean if I ask nice, he’ll let me borrow the sonic screwdriver to shrink obnoxious students?)

8. Carolynn ≠ failure

7. DB will mke sure you get all the materials you need. (This means he’s essentially contracted to buy me lots and lots of markers. That the kids aren’t allowed to use. Hee.)

6. Your fashion will be the envy of all the girls.

5. You’re bigger than them. (“Them” being junior high kids, clearly.)

4. You frikken passed BYU’s grade curve with honors!

3. The boys will have crushes on you – keeps them tame. (I’m not convinced of this, either the fact that they’ll have crushes or the fact that it’ll keep ’em tame. Just sayin’.)

2. Your love of learning will ensure you graduate.

1. You love to teach.

So ends the list of my darling manperson. Every day he does a little more to make sure I adore him, and I swear he’s the only reason I didn’t actually come home and hide from my first day of classes.

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Monday Mantra

Bring on papers,
Bring on books. 
Bring on teachers’ awestruck looks! 

(School starts tomorrow.)

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Friday Writing

Welp, it’s that time again. And while I promised myself I wouldn’t apologize anymore, I’d at least like to acknowledge the fact that being completely preoccupied with fears over starting school again means that my writing is of a certain class of suckage that it doesn’t usually reach (I hope, anyway).

However, the point of doing this bloggy writing thing was to put up my new writings no matter how much I wrinkle my nose at them. And given some of the other, older things I’ve posted this can’t be much more embarrassing.

Sooooo anyhows, I wanted some fun this week and pounded away a bit at 12 Princesses. Here’s the link to the story; just scroll down until you see “*****” and today’s date (8-17) for the latest:

Twelve Dancing Princesses

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Just One Thing

Perhaps because I’ve recently seen death (or perhaps because I have a totally morbid and eternally fascinated imagination), I’ve been thinking a lot lately as to what would happen if I were to die. You know, what kind of flowers would be at the funeral, would DB remember not to wear black (would he even care I’d said that since I would, after all, be dead?), how often would I be allowed to check in on the kids, would DB’s second wife be a redhead (she’d better not be, boy!)?

This isn’t nearly as depressing as it sounds, I promise. It did, however, lead me to one actual serious contemplation. If I did have to leave my children, what one lesson would I want them to learn from me before I went? Of course, the obvious answer is faith in Jesus Christ. However, I’m going to ignore that one on the assumption that DB would be more than happy to take care of that for me (thanks, dude. You’ve always got my back), and pick something else. I thought perhaps that knowing how to boil water would be good, or maybe how to chase stalker boys away. Then I got more serious and thought maybe I’d want to leave them with the ability to learn, or a love of service.

In the end, I scrapped all of those. They’re so important, but it’s not the one, unique lesson that as their mother – strike that, as Carolynn The Dyer, that I’d like to leave with them. I’ve finally decided, in fact I’m almost certain, that the one thing I’d leave them with if it were my choice is this simple piece of knowledge:

 It’s okay if some people don’t like you.

Let me say that again, in case the people in the back didn’t hear.

 It’s okay if some people don’t like you.

This is probably the part where I’m supposed to wax philosophical about why that particular lesson’s important, but I’m not going to. I should think everyone can supply a good list of very practical, objective reasons concerning why. For me, it’s personal. For me, I realize that every major moment that I look back and shake my head over in my life is a direct result of the fact that I wanted so badly for someone to like me, it didn’t matter anymore if I liked me, so I betrayed myself.

Betraying yourself. God gave you one thing that you can hold on to, that you can call your own, and that’s your own decisions, your own ‘self.’ What does that mean, when you’re so set on others liking you that you betray yourself?

I’d also like to know, what good does it do?  We’re here to be the best we can be, to contribute that one thing that only we’re capable of. I don’t know that putting on a different crepe mask for every person that comes into your life counts as being all you can be. Actually, I’m certain that’s what it means, because … how to put it? What’s inside of you, it has to come out. It has to shine. But it can’t if you’re so busy trying to reflect back at people what they want to see that you turn into a mirror instead of a window. Who wants mirrors on every side of their house? I’d rather a giant bay window.

Maybe that’s just me.

 It’s okay if people don’t like you.

If I say it loud enough, do you believe me?

Do I believe me?

Do you think it matters?

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