I hate it when I find myself trapped by an awkward conversation. Inevitably I find myself backed into the proverbial corner and unable to articulate anything more intelligent than “Er…”
If I can see the trap coming, I will find ways to cleverly sidestep it. Like a quick, heart-attack prone bunny rabbit I dodge the upcoming verbal onslaught like so:
Even worse is when the awkwardness completely blindsides you, coming out of nowhere to make your life a misery. A particular conversation is emblazoned in my memory forever, so painful was my embarrassment and so suddenly was the trap sprung.
One moment, I was innocently submitting to a grilling by another woman about whether DB is good at “kissing butt,” (as she put it) when he made mistakes. A stupid topic, but harmless enough. Still, I started trying to break away as the conversation appeared to be rapidly morphing into one of those “and men are” slam sessions. I failed. And then the conversation took a sudden, wildly inappropriate turn.
The trap slammed shut.
My brain shut down.
I wish I could say I had a Kathleen Kelly breakthrough and zinged the other girl into oblivion.
Some people just wield their social ineptness like a club, leaving blunt-force trauma to the psyche. Polite people (and I generally like to think I fall in that category) have no such weapons.
Introducing: Awkwardness in a Can
Got problems with being backed into a verbal corner and left to writhe? Not anymore!
This could change the structure of our entire society. Instead of those who ignore social rules dominating conversations and locking up the brains of polite people everywhere, polite people would rule! It would be like mace for the Everyman.
Heck, it might even be better than mace. Use it against all sorts of evil villains.
The bad guy will feel so awkward about assaulting you that he will apologize and leave.
Who knows, it could even lead to total reform. I know that much awkwardness would keep me hiding under the covers for a year or two.
So buy it. Use it. Free the world.