This week has been a really interesting episode of Survivor: Motherhood around the Dyer household. In the wee hours of Wednesday morning, an insidious and evil germ-of-doom entered my unsuspecting body and started enacting its plot for hostile takeover. It started in my throat, then quickly spread both down and up. Our script this week went something like this:
Me: Uuurgh… throat hurts.
DB: Get some rest.
Me: Can’t. Gotta do dishes and other stuff.
Me: *Gravelly voice* Uuuuurrghh… *cough cough* Throat hurts.
DB: Get some rest!
Me: Can’t. Behind on the laundry. You’ve got a test. Go study.
DB: … Fine.
Me: *Man voice* Urrgghhh… *cough sniffle* Throat huuurts…
DB: Get some rest!!
Me: You have to study. And work. And we have kids. And a house. Dishes. Laundry. Bathrooms…
DB: … Okay, fine. At least take it easy.
Me: Of course. I promise. Just don’t look at my fingers, ’cause they’re definitely crossed.
Me: See previous days, all added together.
DB: Woman! Get back into bed!
Me: Can’t. Dress rehearsal. Dad home from surgery. Gotta help.
DB: *Rolls eyes* Fine. Just make sure to invite me to your funeral.
DB: …. I am so not waking her up for church.
Me: Zzzzzzz….zzzzz….zzzz….zzz– *cough hack cough cough* Trying to talk, but no voice.
DB: I’m sorry, what was that honey? You want to stay in bed all day until you absolutely have to get up for your performance? Good plan.
Me: *Evil glare* …. …. …. Zzzzzzz….
Me: *Gravelly voice* Ok. I’m not falling over any more. Back to work.
DB: *Facepalm* You still sound like a man! Give yourself a break!
Me: No talking, man person! Go study for your final!
DB: You need to rest!
Me: Gymnastics! Cleaning! Dinner! Children! Laundry and laundry and laundry! Go study!
DB: I hired a cleaning service. Go rest.
Me: … I was on a roll. Trying to be a martyr here.
DB: Go rest.
Me: Sure, okay. Right after gymnastics. And keeping the kids out of the house while the cleaning ladies come. And making dinner. And finishing that one thing…
Me: *Cough cough — hack hack* Urrrgh… All right, gang. I give up. Daddy is officially finished with finals, so I am going to —
DB: *Cough cough*
Ladybug: *Hack hack*
StrawBee: *Cough hack*
The Captain: *Sniffle*
|…At least I’m finally excused from the laundry.|