I say things, and then suddenly become paranoid that I’ve ruined my children forever. And then I google it because google is the oracle, and inevitably some amazing guru of child-rearing has at some point said that you should never ever never EVER say/allow/do whatever I just said/allowed/did.

Alas, how my children suffer.

If I give them a treat, they’re inevitably instructed to “Eat it all up.” I’m just trying to prevent a mess (Huh?! How DARE you try to be convenient at the expense of your children?!), but then I’m struck by The Guilt. Here I am, teaching them that they must consume every last sweetly-sticky bite of their treats. They’ll become gluttons, I tell you! What will their first Halloween out of the house be like?

 No, those are lollypop sticks, not cigarettes. StrawBee totally knows better!

I must prevent such a crisis. So I try to counteract the candy thing by telling the girls to eat healthy so they can keep growing and get tall. However, Ladybug has latched onto this “tall” thing, and now I’m certain she’s going to spend the rest of her life worrying about being tall enough. And since short genes are all she’s got, this is either going to end in extensive surgery or stilettos.

All the rage this summer.
I can’t have a child of mine growing up to be taller than me–*cough, hack*–excuse me, I meant; risking her health like that. So I told my beautiful girls that they are just that: Beautiful. Perfect in the way God made them. However they are, so long as their hearts are beautiful, they are beautiful.

Did you know that children have selective hearing?

“Beautiful” is all they got out of that one.

Which led to this:

Notice me NOT panicking here.
Way to keep it a non-issue, mom.
I thought I had at least 10 years before I heard this.
Lecture #321
She totally gets this, you know?
Because please beats paper, rock, AND scissors!
Eventually I thought to tell her that only grown up girls communicate with makeup. She, of course, retorted that she was grown up. I told her that when she was grown up to 14, THEN she could have makeup.

She was delighted. And now she reminds me every day that when she’s 14 she gets makeup.
Parenting: You just can’t win for losing.

About Carolynn the Dyer

If I've learned one thing by having three children in four years, it's that babies are not, in fact, the best birth control. ... Okay, just kidding. I've really learned that laughter is the only way to survive the wilds of parenthood, and life in general. Also, that it is indeed possible to do dishes, parent, and carry on a conversation at the same time. If that sounds like fun, or just impossible, then come join me on my blog--and join me in the jungle.
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