For some reason, exhaustion makes me think that sugar will fix everything.

Super Amazing Chocolate Chip Cookie Shield of Tranquility!

There’s just one small problem with this: It never works this way. Instead, I just get wired and slightly ADD. I run from unfinished task to unfinished task like a squirrel who can’t decide which acorn tastes best, leaving a trail of unfinished-ness big enough to tip DB off to the fact that Momma didn’t get enough sleep last night.

ECHO... echo... echo...

Moreover, when I’m tired I’m also cranky. Let’s just be straight-up about that. And nobody likes snarky, sarcastic, impatient, death-in-a-ponytail Momma. So I like to convince myself that by eating brownies for breakfast, I’m actually doing the world a favor by giving myself enough energy to be cheerful.

Yeah, that doesn’t work either.

So I’m still cranky and I still get annoyed with my kids, but in a maniacally cheerful, hyper kind of way. Like Tour Guide Barbie with a hand grenade.

And on your left, a small mushroom cloud!

Of course, there are alternatives. Sleeping in, for example.

Duct tape: Not just for prom dresses anymore.

Just don’t tell DFS.

Okay, maybe not.

Coffee is another option, but it honestly confuses me. I know it’s supposed to just keep you awake, but wouldn’t it just be a worse version of the sugar high? Then I’d be like that squirrel on Over the Hedge–although moving faster than lasers could actually be a very useful skill in my house. That would put me at almost as fast as StrawBee.

Anyway, I have basic religious beliefs that rule out the coffee thing. So I guess the other option is non-caffeine energy drinks. I did try one of those once. This is what it was like:

I think I broke a speed record for most words in a minute.

I actually think Sassy Sis is still laughing about that one.

Which brings us to our final option.

It always comes down to zombies in the end.


About Carolynn the Dyer

If I've learned one thing by having three children in four years, it's that babies are not, in fact, the best birth control. ... Okay, just kidding. I've really learned that laughter is the only way to survive the wilds of parenthood, and life in general. Also, that it is indeed possible to do dishes, parent, and carry on a conversation at the same time. If that sounds like fun, or just impossible, then come join me on my blog--and join me in the jungle.
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2 Responses to Sugar

  1. Susan F says:

    Can I just say I love the way you’re drawing your hair these days. 😀

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