For some reason, exhaustion makes me think that sugar will fix everything.
There’s just one small problem with this: It never works this way. Instead, I just get wired and slightly ADD. I run from unfinished task to unfinished task like a squirrel who can’t decide which acorn tastes best, leaving a trail of unfinished-ness big enough to tip DB off to the fact that Momma didn’t get enough sleep last night.
Moreover, when I’m tired I’m also cranky. Let’s just be straight-up about that. And nobody likes snarky, sarcastic, impatient, death-in-a-ponytail Momma. So I like to convince myself that by eating brownies for breakfast, I’m actually doing the world a favor by giving myself enough energy to be cheerful.
Yeah, that doesn’t work either.
So I’m still cranky and I still get annoyed with my kids, but in a maniacally cheerful, hyper kind of way. Like Tour Guide Barbie with a hand grenade.
Of course, there are alternatives. Sleeping in, for example.
Just don’t tell DFS.
Okay, maybe not.
Coffee is another option, but it honestly confuses me. I know it’s supposed to just keep you awake, but wouldn’t it just be a worse version of the sugar high? Then I’d be like that squirrel on Over the Hedge–although moving faster than lasers could actually be a very useful skill in my house. That would put me at almost as fast as StrawBee.
Anyway, I have basic religious beliefs that rule out the coffee thing. So I guess the other option is non-caffeine energy drinks. I did try one of those once. This is what it was like:
I actually think Sassy Sis is still laughing about that one.
Which brings us to our final option.
It always comes down to zombies in the end.