So you’re sitting cuddled up with your husband, watching TV. It’s late-ish (about 9:30). It’s a rare evening off for your hubby, and you’re loving it. However, your zen is then interrupted by the sound of the door to the carport opening and closing. You assume it’s a sibling of yours, come by to say hi. Without turning around, you call “Hey, what’s up?” and your husband echoes. There isn’t an answer.

Finally, you turn around and this is what you see:


Tell me, do you:

A. Assume the child was sneaking out.

B. Assume the child has a really good explanation for this that you don’t want to hear.

C. Totally lose your schmidt.


D. All of the above.

I was personally contemplating D. However, DB saw the look on my face and leapt into action, rescuing his offspring. With a helpful, “I’ve got it,” he sprung out of his seat, grabbed the child, and began giving her lecture #2,456 (of that night) on staying in bed and going to sleep. It was, after all, 2-1/2 hours past her bedtime.

I settled back, grateful for such an awesome husband, only to have my returning zen interrupted moments later by a shocked, “Uh… Carolynn? You might need to come down here,” from the DB.

Now, it takes a lot to throw off DB. I wasn’t entirely certain that going down to Ladybug’s room was a good idea at this point. However, you don’t abandon a man in the field, so off I went. That’s how I found DB standing in the middle of Ladybug and Strawbee’s room, the lights on, toys everywhere, holding a plastic garbage pail with this in it:


It was then that I noticed this:


And DB said this:

“She wasn’t going out, dear. She was coming in.”

I turned to Ladybug, who was sitting on Strawbee’s bed, whining about wanting the toad.

“Ladybug,” I said, “how did you get outside?”

She hesitated for a long moment, her eyes darting about, until she finally looked at the ceiling and said, “Uh… the window?”


“Why on earth would you do such a thing, child?!”

“Well… there was fireflies and I wanted to catch them.”


“I told you at least a hundred times, no firefly catching tonight. We were going to Nana’s house later this week to do that. I don’t think we’re going now. Really, Ladybug, why on earth?”

“Um… well… I saw the toad. And I wanted it.”


“DB, did she bring that toad inside with her?”

“No, Carolynn, she didn’t. It was here when I got here.”


“Ladybug, how did the toad get in here?”

“I threw it in the window.”


“… … …”


“… okay. Fine. Get in bed. We’re setting the toad free. Do not climb out your window again. Don’t even think it. If you do, you’re in for the biggest spanking of your life. Do you understand?”

“I don’t want a spanking.”

“Then get in bed.”


And that, my friends, is how we ended up with alarms on all the bedroom windows.


The End


About Carolynn the Dyer

If I've learned one thing by having three children in four years, it's that babies are not, in fact, the best birth control. ... Okay, just kidding. I've really learned that laughter is the only way to survive the wilds of parenthood, and life in general. Also, that it is indeed possible to do dishes, parent, and carry on a conversation at the same time. If that sounds like fun, or just impossible, then come join me on my blog--and join me in the jungle.
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4 Responses to Alarmed

  1. Susan says:

    um wow, yeah I would have had a heart attack. Kids these days!

  2. Brinestone says:

    Hahahaha! I laughed so hard at this. I was visiting with Marie and Suzanne today, and they were talking about how great your blog is and how funny, so I checked it out, and I’m so glad I did. The frog through the window, complete with illustrations, is the best part. Hehehe.

    (This is Ruth, by the way. I used to be in your ward and lived with Marie before you did.)

    • Ruth, I totally remember you! Oh, I miss you guys! And, I’m totally flattered that you (they) were talking about my blog today. 😀 I’d ask you how life is, but I guess this is a bit public…!

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